Implode;Explode

I am losing my cool.
I'm bottling and bottling and bottling and studying and compressing and it's building pressure and I am going to lose it. I don't know how, I don't know when, but I know that I can't do this forever. Maybe I won't explode. maybe I'll just implode. Sit on my bed all day and stare at the wall. Maybe I'll just numb and you won't even notice, and I'll go about like nothing ever goes wrong. Maybe I just need to EXPLODE, safely, and let it all out. Make a lot of noise, cause a scene, purge it from my system, then go back to serenity with a clear mind. All the places I used to run to have shifted, like a maze where walls close off when you're not looking and suddenly the way out isn't the way you came in anymore. All my safe spots, my comforts, they don't look the same, or they've gone away, beyond my reach, cold. Empty spaces where they used to stand. Sunshine denies me, face turned away from me, I am not defeated, I am not conquered. But I am weary, worn and battered. I don't know where I can still run, where arms are open waiting, and where the ground has grown cold, with an inviting numb, calling, calling. If tomorrow continues this pattern the numb will call stronger, but I will resist as the sirens' call. I will rise, stronger, but here in this moment, I am lost. Come walk with me, lead me, follow me, walk hand in hand, and in this balance, find our way.