Parallels

How quickly we rush to the aid of someone who has been hurt, jump to their defense, furious at he who caused her pain, vengeful, lashing out.
Just as quickly the roles are reversed. That same defender is the one who causes pain, blinded to the parallel of the pain he causes to that which infuriates him when he hears tell of it from those he loves. Human blindness makes a farce of that fierce protection; that platonic ideal of chivalric deeds and protection which human error and self serving nature prevent from existence without hypocrisy.

Adventures, here I come!

Spring is HERE, and everything is going to be more than alright. It's going to be FANTASTIC!
Hellooo, spring break, so nice to meet you, I'm sure we'll be best friends by the end of the week.
:)

Reaching out for the words of others to express my own feelings

Allow me for a moment, to use the words of others to express myself.


"For stung with inward rage, he flings around,
And strives t'avenge that which gave the wound.
But love those eager bitings does restrain,
And mingling pleasure mollifies the pain.
For ardent hope still flatters anxious grief,
And sends him to his foe to seek relief:
Which yet the nature of the thing denies;
For Love, and love alone of all our joyes
By full possesion does but fan the fire,
The more we enjoy the more we still desire."
-John Dryden

"I'll never know why a man with all the love his heart can stand,
dreams of ways to throw it all away.
It's wanting more, that's gonna bring me to my knees."
-John Mayer

"You touch my skin, and then you think, yeah, you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me."
-Death Cab

"GO. If you want to leave me, I want you to."


And this is about where I'm at:
"Resorting to connecting the dots this morning because it was a long night & he needs to do something really simple to get started again."
-Brian Andreas

Please

This emotional roller coaster of a week is almost over, and I'm so ready for break.
So much has happened in such a short amount of time, it's dizzying.
And if you're done, please just tell me.
You won't break me, I promise.
I've got things to do in this life, and I won't waste it moping.
I'll be more than okay.

Implode;Explode

I am losing my cool.
I'm bottling and bottling and bottling and studying and compressing and it's building pressure and I am going to lose it. I don't know how, I don't know when, but I know that I can't do this forever. Maybe I won't explode. maybe I'll just implode. Sit on my bed all day and stare at the wall. Maybe I'll just numb and you won't even notice, and I'll go about like nothing ever goes wrong. Maybe I just need to EXPLODE, safely, and let it all out. Make a lot of noise, cause a scene, purge it from my system, then go back to serenity with a clear mind. All the places I used to run to have shifted, like a maze where walls close off when you're not looking and suddenly the way out isn't the way you came in anymore. All my safe spots, my comforts, they don't look the same, or they've gone away, beyond my reach, cold. Empty spaces where they used to stand. Sunshine denies me, face turned away from me, I am not defeated, I am not conquered. But I am weary, worn and battered. I don't know where I can still run, where arms are open waiting, and where the ground has grown cold, with an inviting numb, calling, calling. If tomorrow continues this pattern the numb will call stronger, but I will resist as the sirens' call. I will rise, stronger, but here in this moment, I am lost. Come walk with me, lead me, follow me, walk hand in hand, and in this balance, find our way.